Some people proclaim and promote "Open Adoption," in which birth parents play an active role in their child's upbringing, as "the wave of the future". Advocates argue that the child cannot know his or her roots without visits from or on-going contact with the birth parents. Others disagree.
Some critics argue that adopting parents who have met and know the birth parents can share with the child all he or she may want to know about their origins and ancestors.
Once a child is bonded into the adoptive home, some feel that visitation by birth parents may cause more problems for the child than it can solve.
Some couples are comfortable with this arrangement and some agencies with whom I work, specialize in "open adoptions". But open adoption is not for everyone. Most birth mothers, like most adopting couples, are not particularly eager for an ongoing co-parenting arrangement.
No one needs to accept a three parent home unless they want to.
Some states, including California, provide for “Contact After Adoption” agreements, usually providing for periodic photographs and letters to the birth mother, but occasionally for visits, videos, or direct communication. Most states, however, do not have formal agreements for on-going contact.