Adopting a Baby
Placing a Baby
Some people proclaim and promote "Open Adoption," in which birth parents play an active role in their adopted child's upbringing, as "the wave of the future".
Advocates argue that the child cannot know his or her roots without visits from or on-going contact with the birth parents. Many don't agree. It is difficult enough, in their opinion, for two happily married parents to raise a child without including a third parent. And, critics argue, adopting parents who have met and know the birth parents can share with the child all he or she probably wants to know about origins and inheritance.
Once a child is bonded into the adoptive home, some feel that visitation by birth parents may cause more problems for the adopting family than it can solve.
Some couples are comfortable with this arrangement and some agencies with whom I work, specialize in "open adoptions". But open adoption is not for everyone. Most birth mothers, like most adopting couples, are not particularly eager for an ongoing co-parenting arrangement.
No one need feel required to accept a three parent home as the price of adopting unless they want to.